nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just cropdusted the office
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
