So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize