forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
