She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
