dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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