had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
