craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Damn victory sex feels great
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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