i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
