Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
