This is not my ceiling
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
