He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Come on in and take your pants off
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