Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
