everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
