She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
