Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it was like having sex with a tree stump
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize