4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Little spoons don't ask big questions
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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