Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize