he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
