but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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