I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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