He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
