Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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