Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
