I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
