Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
