is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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