Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
