u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
