the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize