remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
