porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
