I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Randomize
