Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
