Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
