I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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