the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize