Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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