They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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