we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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