Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
