You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
