I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
