I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
