Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
