Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Are we still banned from the library?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
