I'm going to jail i love you
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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