ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
