I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
