We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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