its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
