and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
