I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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