C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
