I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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