I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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