Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I think a kid would responsible me up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
