1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Quick, to the slutcave!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
