She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
