Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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