You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
