I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
