When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
