Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
