saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
