Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
