only you would photoshop your dick
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
