I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
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