Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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