everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
