I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
did you just send me my own nude
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
