great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
